Younger son failed his road test, again ;-(
He is scheduled for another test at the end of the month. I asked what happened and he said he hit the curb. I am sad for him and worried (typical for me). His father is letting him drive himself in his (son's) car. This is not how I wanted my son raised. It's too late. I am afraid his life is ruined (compared to what I had hoped for him).
Today was a crazy day for my head. I had/have a migraine episode going on right now. Earlier today, I was quite nauseated and my head felt quite a bit of pain. Eating dinner and swallowing an assortment of medications has helped. I am still migraining but it is not overwhelming.
The sleep study (with the CPAP machine) is slowly creeping up on me. Of course, I am fretting about it already. I am not secure in the idea of sleeping with a mask on. It may very well help me immensely but my psyche doesn't see it that way.
I have been thinking this thought quite often lately.....I wish I was never born. I don't think the joys of life make it all worth it. No, I am not suicidal. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I am terrified of dying. I just wish I was never here to begin with. Why couldn't I have remained a mineral in the soil and whatever other components my body is made from.
Gee....pretty depressing tonight. Sorry about that.
1 comment:
I'm very glad you were born because you have brightened so many of my days! You have a great sense of humor and a loving, giving heart.
But I do understand how you feel about wishing you hadn't been born. I've been there myself before.
Life just didn't hold any joy for me at the time and I wanted to give up, but without dying. During this period I would just stare at the wall for hours, just sitting there and not thinking anything.
I am so very glad to be past all that now!! You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you get out of this funk soon.
Love and Hugs,
Tracy
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