OK....now it's anxiety....mega-anxiety. I have had GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) my entire life. It wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago, but I've felt this way to one extent or another, all my life....even longer than I remember migraine!

I've experienced panic attacks since January 2000 (6 freakin' years!). First one happened in the Orlando Airport and after that round-trip flight, I never flew again.

I asked myself what I was afraid of, today. I am afraid because I live on a blue marble spinning in space. Anything can happen to anyone at anytime. Just look at CNN all day and you realize this!

No, I am not a control freak! I am very right brained, live and let live, sloppy, careless and totally NOT anal-retentive (are we allowed to use that term anymore?).

This is good. I am burning off some of the adrenaline pumping through my veins. Doggone it! I should be as skinny as a rail for all this worry and fretting! I have absolutely zero benefit from this......Dr. Phil! No.....I am not getting a pay-off from this!

I watched the History Channel today, too (yes, I know....too much TV). What else am I going to do? I can't hold a job. Anyway....I saw a show about Easter Island and Stone Henge. I also saw a show about the Shroud of Turin. (why do people want to worship a piece of cloth? even if it was Jesus' image....wasn't he supposed to be God and not an idol?).

Actually, I can understand the fascination about the shroud. I am star-struck by famous people, famous places, etc. My husband, the fundamental believer in all of this agrees with my opinion that God didn't want people to worship idols, objects. The difference between us is he believes God exists. I just believe the teachings exist. Believe is the wrong word. I understand what the person/people who created Christianity were getting at. I don't believe it is true. So, I guess that is why I can be star-struck without guilt.

It's almost 5 PM. I just spoke with my husband. He is on his way to the hardware store. He is going to fashion something to address the communication part of an alarm system. He is so smart. I would just say, "nope, I'll have to buy the correct item for this and I will be back when it is delivered."

What a guy! I love him so much. I know this is true despite my utter dependence on his existence because I remember loving him before I was dependent. I hate my dependence. Oddly....I appeared to be such an independent child. I know now that I was just comfortable in the cocoon my parents created for me. My Mom is too old to go blaming her. Not that it would do any good.

I get to typing and I can't stop lately. If you've followed me so far....you are braver than me!